Love...

To start all of this off I am not trying to make this into a pitty party about me or anything of that sorts, I am just going through a lot of personal things and figured I would put it all out here so everyone knows exactly what I am thinking rather than leaving it built up in my head and just stressing me out and upsetting me really.

Ok so people tend to use the word love a lot.  Examples are I love you, I love the way you look at me, I love, I love, You love...blah blah blah love.   The true meaning of the word love is to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. I have had that feeling with a few people I know and a few people I was close to, some I am still close to.  Well I am going to start thinking more and more on the word love, more and more on the people that I want to say it to.  I love my friends, I love my family, I love the people that do everything to help me out and be a better me, but in the long run I don't believe I love myself.  I loved myself when I was working out, I loved myself when others made me smile real big and I loved when I was told that someone loved me.  I may be 23 going on 24 but at this time I have experienced A LOT, and in my head and in my mind I am ready to settle down, I have gone through my whore, pig, slut, party phases already and I am done with it all really.... Oh well I guess I need to just work on me more and more and maybe I will get all this love back, but til then the I love you's may not be coming from my mouth that much/often.

So on a side note from the depressing part of the blog, it is less than a week til my birthday and the Bear It All Teddy Bear Auction.  I am getting excited but I think the one thing I am even more excited about is that I am moving on Aug 1 into my apartment.  I have already went and spent a little over $100 on things for the apartment to make it all feel like mine!  I can't wait to get moved into it! I want everything to just look good and special before my bday, plus Daddy Tom is coming and spending the weekend with me, which means its got to be extra special!  I am excited that he is coming, just thinking of spending the weekend with him kind of gets the stuff off my mind that I posted above.  Oh well I will think of all the positive things that make me happy and at that point I should be fine. 

So instead of going to Provincetown, MA the 7-10 I think I may go to Miami, Fort Lauderdale or Orlando, those would be some fun places to go and just get away from everything, and truthfully thats what I kind of need.  I don't care if I go out to any of the tourist traps or if I just go hang out by the beach either is fine with me really!  I have a few other places I could go to and just get away, but unsure of where to really go.... 

Sorry if this seems like a random depressing blog, it just kind of helped me get a lot of stuff off of my mind and just relax a little bit.  I hope no one is wanting to bitch at me for this, I am constantly getting bitched at for the negative, depressing and down things that I post, so please none of that.....

Thanks,
boy Robert

Bears

boy Robert and Donated Bears
For Providence House

So I have been working hard on my fundraiser and getting things together for it.  I am excited for it!  I can't believe how many people are helping out and how many items are being donated to the fundraiser.  Its so amazing!  I am so glad to have this many friends help me! Not really sure why this blog is being posted, just wanted to really say Thank You to everyone, granted the fundraiser isn't for a week but thank You to everyone who has helped me whether it be little or it be big.  I am excited to take Tom to some of the places I go to as well as taking him to Cedar Point since he and I have neither have been there!  So I don't really have much more to say right now other than Thank You!


boy Robert 

Long Awaited Update!

So, this is the long awaited update from when I moved to Cleveland..... Well I have been doing well with my job and working a lot.  I usually only work Sat-Mon, but more and more lately I am picking up more hours.  I love my job, just a few small things that I am tired about, but I can't say it on here hahaha, well that;s the update on the job, truthfully that is not why I am writing this.....

Poster For Fundraiser

I am throwing a fundraiser on August 3, 2012, for those of you paying attention, YES that is my birthday.  The fundraiser is called 'Bear It All Teddy Bear Auction', all proceeds will be donated to The Providence House of Cleveland, it is a organization that helps children that are affected by abuse.  I am very excited for this since this is my first fundraiser since living in Cleveland, so many people are helping prepare for it! I have Melanie Matthews, a queen who is coming out of retirement to perform, we have Mr Missouri Leather, Scott O' Brien coming out to strip, possibly Tom Savage the 2012 American Leatherman, I am trying to convince him to strip especially since its my birthday!  I may strip depending on how I am feeling that day, I know for fact I am bringing my 'Whack-A-boy' back this year, I did it at the Ohio Leather Alliance contest last year for my travel fund, this year it will all be going to Providence House.  The one thing I just started promoting is that I am directly donating 10 teddy bears directly to Providence House, I did learn that for every child that comes to Providence House is given a teddy bear and a suitcase.  To me a teddy bear is something that is there to protect you while you sleep, protects you from any type of illness and everything in between, that is why I have a teddy bear of my own.

So another major update that I just found out today, as of 07 August 2012 I will no longer be a soldier of the Army National Guard.  It is all on good terms for those of you interested in that, I had put in for a early discharge for August back in June, and while I was flying in today I was advised I will be allowed to take a honorable discharge on August 7th.  I am saddened by this news but at the same time I am happy that I will not be losing money while attending drill each month.

I know this is a slight amount of rambling going on but just a lot on my mind and just writing this made me feel a lot better and less stressed.  I hope that you enjoyed reading my blog, also if you would be interested in donating anything to the fundraiser shoot me a email at armycub@gmail.com.

Thanks For Reading!
boy Robert

Cleveland.

Hey Everyone, as many of you know I am now living in Cleveland, I have been in there since May 19.  I started training and what not on the 21 and just last Monday (June 4) I took the reigns of Supervisory.  Well my first week didn't go as well as planned.  I have a few issues Saturday, one being the person running my operations on the inside, telling me when a plane is clear to land and what not, he didn't advise me of any of that, he just sat there played on his phone, computer and listened to music and ignored the essential job responsibility.  Well he got a write up, the next crazy thing that happened is everyone left but myself and my two night guys and well lets just say my favorite word for the next couple of hours was f*ck.  I didn't know that the mainline flight coming in to stay over night was a airbus til it actually turned the corner and that is when I started to yell f*ck, then about four minutes later my next plane was there and f*ck just kept flying out of my mouth.  Well all in all after the planes were parked, offloaded and the first one was clean, things started to get a little better until I try to close the bin door of the airbus, yeah it didn't want to close.  The pilots had left and when they left the ground power wasn't working, the plane was completely shut down, and on top of all of that I couldn't get the hand crank to work to try and shut the bin.  So I called my boss and then I called maintenance, the funny thing is that maintenance didn't get the issue resolved I did after messing around with two different ground power units, so blah blah blah plane clean. So blah blah blah rest of the night progresses then the last plane came in and we had to clean it in the complete dark because dispatch had called us earlier in the day and advised us not to hook up the ground power to it for some reason, I didn't ask the crew about that but I should have, I should have just verified that the information was correct. Come to find out it wasn't correct and we could have hooked up the ground power, but we didn't.

So that was all just one night, but that one night caused a lot of other crap to come down on me. But my excuse for all the crap that happened this weekend is that it was my first weekend to close on my own and with little help that I just need a few extra days to get things together and I should be completely fine.  Which truthfully I am the type of person that is constantly worrying that I am missing something, that I am doing something wrong, that something is always going wrong.  But I am actually working right now and creating a check list of things I need to ensure that I do every night, ensure that these certain things are done before I leave, which I have to take the train and then the bus home and it kind of sucks at that time in the morning.

But back to the essential update of this whole blog.  Cleveland, Cleveland is a good city, lots to do around the city and what not, but for some reason I just can't seem to ever get the motivation to get out and do it.  All in all things are ok with me, I am just wanting to get a car now, I am setting aside money each week from my checks to go towards a car, so hopefully before my bday I can get a nice dependable car to last me a while.  I have so much on my mind more and more lately but I will figure it all out sooner or later.  I will be fine, better yet I am fine, I am fine with the things I have chosen to do, I am fine with what I am doing, I am doing what best for me as a person, as a boy, I am doing whats best for me, Robert Matthew VanNess. I am what matters to myself more than anything and truthfully I am just now realizing all of this.  I am a great boy, a great person, I have a big heart and I am always there to support and help anyone that is in need of help!

All in all this is just a lot of the stuff that is on my mind right now, just the stuff I want to talk out and talk about, which I did, I feel more comfortable now as a whole as me. Tonight is going to be a great night I get to see my amazing NJ Leather Family, they make me happy, they are always making me smile and they are all great people!

Thanks for reading my random thoughts i post out there,
boy Robert

Me.

boy Robert and His Friend Edin

I know I stated I was not going to post anything til I made it to Cleveland and was settled, well I needed to get things off my mind.

I know it may sound like I am repeating myself, but truthfully I feel like I am always repeating myself when I type something here.  I am extremely proud of myself for going through and accepting the position and doing everything I can to make the transition to Cleveland smooth.  I have came to the realization just today really, that this is the first time in 7 years that I am not running away from something, that I am not dropping everything and moving away with very little.  I am actually walking away from a good place and going to something better.  I got a promotion, I didn't lose my job or anything, it just shows that I am proud of the job that I do and I seem to do it well.  This promotion is going to help me continue to grow and get more responsibilities and do more with myself really.  I am just extremely happy to have the support from my family as well as my friends now.  Thank You all for being here for me, this is a big step even though its a big step for the good, not the bad.
So I leave this blog saying, I have everything packed except my papers, my awards, my 3ft tall trophy i can't figure out how to pack, my printer and my bed, well bed is staying up, but everything else i need to finish packing. Thanks for reading.  Next update will be from Cleveland!

boy Robert

Move

On My Way Home From Cleveland
5/10/12

So this week is the big week, its the big move to Cleveland for my promotion to ramp supervisor.  I am more nervous than excited really, more and more I keep thinking that I am doing the wrong thing, but in the back of my head I know that I am doing what is right for me.  I have grown up and become more independent as a boy and myself in the last two years of being here in Dayton.  I have two leatherboy titles under my belt and feel like I have accomplished so much with those titles.  I am apart of Mama's Family, which is something that I look as being amazing!  As I keep thinking into the whole idea I know I am doing the right thing. I AM becoming the independent boy that I want to be, I deserve to be.  I know in the past I have been jealous and envious of my leather brothers but they don't have the freedom that I do to do what is best for me.

Cleveland, its going to be a new start for me.  Granted the new start really won't happen until I get my own apartment and vehicle, but that will be my new start, the new beginning of boy Robert.  I can not wait to get everything settled and set up in Cleveland. Can't wait to find my own place, and actually make it my own place this time then just a place for people to come to when they want to get away from there family.  Also in case I do not update from 1 June- 15 June I will be on military orders during that time and may not be able to update my blog or my facebook at that time since the sites are monitored and that good stuff.
Well I don't really have much more to say, other than Tuesday will be my last working day in Dayton, OH.  Thursday is my going away party at Marian Lanes in Huber Heights at 730pm, and Friday morning I am planning on leaving or Cleveland.  So my next update will be Friday when I am in Cleveland.

Big Hugs!

boy Robert

CLAW 11

Java boy, boy Robert

First I want to start off and say WOW!  It was an amazing weekend and so many amazing people where there that I have never met until this weekend!  First off Master Noel, SIR Marc, boy Neal and Pup Ace Thank Y/you! The four of Y/you have helped me break out of my shell more now than ever before.  Y/you helped me realize I had the Pup inside of me and I just really realized it this weekend. Thank Y/you for the help in getting me into the Pup zone.  I was able to access it a couple of times this weekend and WOW!  boy Neal, thank you for showing me how to use Hubbards, I was able to make my Daddies boots and my boots shine and look great with Hubbards on them.  Pup Ace, thank you for being the playful pup I kind of figured you were, made me think more about pup play. Master Noel and SIR Marc, thank You both for having the pup classes and pits at CLAW, also the Pup Olympixxx was awesome! Master Noel with Your permission I would love to have You as one of my mentors.  I would love to learn more about being a pup and accessing that zone more Master Noel.

To continue on from that Friday was great! Friday started off with a breakfast with Tom, Danny and Bryon, not long after breakfast Tom and Danny presented me with a collar to wear for the weekend and be in service to them.  I agreed to it.  After that Danny and I went to Pup 101 that was presented by Master Noel, SIR Marc, boy Neal, and pup Ace.  That was great!  We then went to lunch and relaxed for a while. I then had to deal with issues with the bank then I took a nap and relaxed til the afternoon/evening.  Tom, Danny, Bryon and myself went to The House of Blues with Lady Justice and other members of Her amazing Leather Family and close friends.  Thank You for that Lady Justice!  Later in the evening was the Cleveland Rocks party which actually rocked!  I was asked by Dave Watt to be on a table and have food eaten off of me, that was a lot of fun, but I was a little jealous of all the pups in the mosh pit and I was on the table watching. Made me really want to be out there with the other pups and having fun.  That is pretty much all I did that night, I ended up going to bed early Friday Night.

Saturday morning came around and I had everything planned out starting off the morning early with the Java boys then skill after skill class I wanted to attend.  Java boys was amazing! I enjoyed every second of it, it was so much fun being half naked and walking around and surprising men that are naked and half naked and delivering them freshly brewed coffee!  Well after that I went to shower and prepared to head to the market for shopping, then off to a skills class but wasn't able to attend it because I had some issues with the hotel charging my credit card and I didn't have any money. I did go to breakfast with Tom and Danny then Tom and I went to the Beginning Mosh Pit, I didn't get much into it, I sit back and watched the pups.  My friend Tom (don't know his pup name) joined the pit and I was watching on the side next thing you know I look up and I am being tackled by him, a few minutes later Beanie Pup came out and joined the pit  (Beanie Pup is me). I enjoyed the little time that I had in the pit and Tom enjoyed watching me play.  I was in my pup zone and nothing on my mind but being a pup.  After the pup pit myself and Daddy Tom went upstairs and relaxed for a few.  I then started shining leather and getting everything ready for the Titleholder Cocktail and the International Family Dinner.

As we are all showering and getting ready for the evening I got upset with the razor burn that I had on my neck from shaving.  I hate shaving!  I went ahead and threw on my leather and got all dressed and ready for the cocktail party then went down to the cocktail party with my Daddies.  As I was down there I had a few great friends come up to me and say that I am a great boy and they are very proud of me.  For them to say that to me made me feel so special and I started to cry. I have not had so many compliments about me and my leather career and I received so many this past weekend!  At the dinner I was sitting at the table with Mama beside me, then Tom, Danny, Ky, Eric, Rene, Daddy Jim, and two other gentlemen I couldn't remember there names.  I had a blast sitting with all of them, I was in service to the table and assisted in grabbing drinks and filling water glasses for everyone.  I actually enjoyed helping out with that.  As dinner was coming to a close Ky had a Fat Max that he sold tickets for to raffle it off, well Danny and Tom bought tickets for the raffle and they won! I had the tickets in my pocket so I walked up on stage and brought it to them.  Woohoo it will be in my new apartment when I get moved there.  After we get done with dinner and everything we head back up to the room and relaxed for a few minutes then we decide we wanted to go to the Gear Party out at Mean Bull. As I was getting ready, I looked at myself in the mirror and actually teared up, I looked great! So the Gear Part wasn't as busy as I thought it was going to be.  We decided to leave early because I was going to be doing Java boys again on Sunday morning.

Java boys day 2, was a lot more fun than day 1! We had a blast!  Only bad thing I can say about it is that I had to wait for the shuttle at Mama's hotel lol that took a little longer than expected.  I do want to say that I really enjoyed surprising Master Noel, SIR Marc, boy Neal and Pup Ace with the coffee service, made my day really!  I had plans to do the Burlesque Bingo later in the evening before that I was able to get flogged by Mr Myers while Tom and Danny were in the Leather Hall of Fame brunch.  I had one of the most amazing flogging sessions yet!! It made me feel so good and relaxed!  Time passed so quickly between that and the time the Burlesque Bingo started.  When Bingo came around it was time to play bingo and watch other men strip, I was the third person to strip, which was a lot of fun!  I enjoyed it very much! I did this and I never thought I would have felt so free and had nothing on my mind just did it and didn't worry about a thing.  I enjoyed it and stripped with pride!

Buffet boy Getting Marshmallow Fluff
Licked Off His Nipples

After bingo I went and showered and changed to prepare for dinner with Tom and Danny.  We started walking just to get away from the hotel.  We walked all the way to the House of Blues, the next thing you know the restaurant was closed.  So we went to The Winking Lizard for dinner, while there we ran into Bryon Hayes, Cb Kirby, Terry Laupp, Scott O'Brien, and two other individuals I don't remember there names lol. It was a great dinner and Scott ate most of the red velvet cheesecake. We then walked back to the airport and relaxed for a few minutes then we all showered and changed to head to the DREAM performance.  The performance was great, but I was so tired! I watched most of it but had to go and get a beer.  After the performance I went to the room and packed my bags, I just wanted to make sure I didn't have to rush on Monday like I did last year lol. I made it home safely went to the gym and then to the apartment and relaxed.  I have been typing on this blog for HOURS, I am just now finishing it. I have been getting distracted all day by the tv, people, calls, text and emails.  Now I am going to shower and head to bed!

This was an amazing CLAW, I am proud to have met so many people! I am proud to have added so many new people into my extended Leather Family! I needed to get away from reality and just be a leather boy, which I did all weekend.  I know I stretched myself to thin but I enjoyed the entire weekend.  Thanks to Tom and Danny for making this weekend special and thank You for making me a happy boy!

boy Robert