This blog is titled 'boy With The Heart of Leather' only because that's what my 'business' cards say on them....But truthfully that's not why I am titling the blog that. I took my little break like everyone suggested I do, it was a SHORT one, but truthfully at the time of my breakdown I was sick and just really didn't want to be around ANYONE. I am much better now.
So...I am now calling myself the boy with the heart of leather because that's what I have. I don't have to wear leather to know that I am a leather boy. I may not be as submissive, obedient or whatever else other boys are, I am fine with being me. I am not Old Guard, not really New Guard either.....I respect those that deserve the respect and truthfully I want the same in return. I may not be the cookie cutter boy, I don't wear Levi 501's and a white t shirt, I don't tuck my shirts in. I know that not tucking shirts in makes you look sloppy, but right now since losing weight the shirt and pants are going to untuck it anyways so just deal with it. I may not be the 24/7 boy that someone wants to have and own, but I am the one that makes the decision on when I am ready for that. At that moment I will petition a Sir, at that moment I would hopefully have everything in my world squared away.
To be honest recently I have wanted to just give up and hope that something/someone would just come along and end my life. I know this is a extremely stupid thought, but it is a thought i have had. But i look at the accomplishments I have, and the accomplishments of what I am doing and I can't give up. I can't give up and let the world win, I am the one that will win this fight! Yes I know it may seem like I am starting to repeat myself, but hey such is life. I repeat myself multiples times....Guarantee there may be a few blogs that are pretty much talking about the same thing......
So the main reasoning's behind the title. I just want everyone to know that I am a good boy, actually i am a great boy, I am a hard working, independent, rough and tumble boy that has a soft side. I may be a eager boy to serve, I may be a depressed boy when I can't serve, but hey this is me, no matter how hard i try to change it or how I try to manipulate it I will always be this anxious, eager boy that wants to serve and be happy at doing it. Til then, get over it.
OK, now that is said and done.....I have a few small announcements, one, I am working pretty much part-time at FLEXspas on certain nights of the week, good job, pay is OK, and I get to work out for free! So that's the major plus. Also CLAW is in a few weeks and i really can't wait to see what fun, mischief and mayhem i can cause! Also i will be having a HUGE Team Friendly Northeast Ohio Announcement.....This Weds......SO if you are following the activities of Team Friendly Northeast Ohio on face book.....you will see what my surprise is!
Lastly....I am fine, I don't need everyone constantly asking me how I am. I am as healthy as I can be, and I am fine. Just working a lot to be able to pay my bills and try to save.....
Sunday, March 24, 2013
So few people have been messaging me and asking me who am I fighting....well truthfully this is answered as I am fighting myself. I jumped into the whole leather community and what not at about 17 and never really got around to discovering who 'Robert' is. I went right into boy Robert....So since then I have been putting up the walls and everything to try and be portrayed at boy Robert, hiding any real feelings of who 'Robert' actually is. I know some of you may think that this is crazy, but this is the truth. I have come to this point recently of not feeling wanted, not feeling like anyone cares about me, I know that this is not true. I do have friends, and some of those friends are family they do care about me, they care about watching me succeed more than watching me fail. I will be boy Robert again, but only after I take the time to discover who Robert is, and who Robert wants to be/do with his life. Just wanted to let everyone know what is going through my head, what the good and bad have done for me, and what I am going to do to succeed in my path rather than fail. Really hope you understand, and hope to have the support of the friends closer to me.....
Thursday, March 21, 2013
SO much stuff on my mind...I wish i could just vent and let it all out...But at the same time if I did that I would start pointing out the MULTIPLE flaws of my 'friends'. Some days people need to just look in the mirror and actually ask themselves what they are doing with there lives....Lately I have not been asking myself this and I have just been riding the waves to just be here in the moment. At this moment i feel like giving up on some of these so called 'friends' because when i gave them advice they listened to it for a second, then went and did the opposite when shit hit the fan. I am giving up on looking for 'love' or even a 'Sir'.....Neither will happen for me...Hasn't yet, so it will probably never happen. Yes I understand this is a woe is me posting, but lately i have just been feeling the need to let things out. The only real positive things I have going for me right now is Team Friendly Northeast Ohio, and the few people that are really close to me that make me feel like I am wanted. During TBRU i felt unwanted, felt like no one wanted to hang out or talk to me, which is mostly why I stayed at the hotel even when I started to feel better. I know there are some people that wanted to hang out and spend time together, but it just never happened......Maybe I am just going a little crazy right now, but this is really killing me and wanted to let people know that I am feeling unwanted by a lot of people lately....I feel like I am being pushed away, or even into a hole that I can't climb out of. I really hope that those of you reading this know that I need the help to not give up. I need the help of these true 'friends' to keep pushing me and helping me to not give up. I guess I will just sit back and wait to see who can help me, who can push me, who can help be that true 'friend'........
Thursday, March 14, 2013
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