Ellen Page

You can't just share a article just by reading the headline. YOU HAVE to watch the article about Ellen page, she is 26 and she came out to the nation on Feb. 14.  Her speech is something that I believe anyone questioning themselves or there sexuality should watch it, even parents should watch her speech as well. I love the fact that she air quotes 'norms' it comes back to some of the things that I bring up OFTEN. I know I don't fit any one persons stereotype of a 'normal' gay guy. No one fits a 'normal' type of anything. I believe that the word 'normal' should just be eliminated. No one is ever 'normal', every single person is unique. I know I am different than any other 25 year old with HIV, I am different than any other leather boy in the leather community, also know that I am different than any other chef in the culinary industry. Me being different is what has been helping me get through the tough times I have had in the past and its going to keep pushing me further than ever. Ellen Page I thank you. You have had my support, and you will continue to have my support, keep acting and popping out some great movies.

Five Years....

Well today is my 5th year of testing HIV +.  Truthfully I don't know what to say, the last couple of months have been great to me.  Seems everything has been pretty much Uphill for me with a few slight small downhill moments.  But all in all I am happy.  I have attached a picture of myself and my friend Kris Kohl.  Kris was one of the first people there for me to tell me that it was not a pink slip and I would live life to the fullest.  So far I have been!  Thank you Kris, I love you!!  HIV is NOT a death sentence, I have had it for five years, I have known of others with it for much longer!  I know I may sound stupid right now, but truthfully, just getting thoughts out into a blog!

Rob

Scholarship Essay

So......Passion and Creativity, Past and Future, those were the things I wrote about in my essay for the Chopped Inspired Culinary School scholarship.  I had someone point out to me that I have competed for all sorts of leather competitions and that I was so confident in all of them, yeah that is true unsure really why I am so uneasy about this essay.  Over the last month of trying to figure out what to write for this essay it has stressed me out and truthfully made me want to just give up on it. But I am not allowed to give up anymore, giving up was the easy and 'comfortable' way to do things.  I am not ready to give up this go around.....After I receive the notes and critiques from the 'editor's', then I will need to do one last look over and combine all the comments into what I hope to be the final draft of my essay..Once it is submitted all we can do is sit back and wait...The next phase of the competition is a local chopped competition....Which I am hoping I get chosen to do!  I may not be very knowledgeable currently with foods and knife cuts but if you give me a protein and a starch I guarantee you I could probably grab a few extra ingredients and make a amazing dish!!

Deletion....

So.....I have done it....I have deleted my Boy Rob page on Facebook.  My page about me being a boy and how I have been growing myself for the community and everyone has backed me in the past. I created the Boy Rob page as my way to become a better community member and title holder.  I also did it for other reasons, but you know that life is not judged on how many people 'like' you.  Life is judged by what you do for yourself and those that love you.  At least that is how I see it.  I did everything in the past for Everyone else and I am now doing something great for myself.


What many of you may not know is that in September and October there were times that I was standing by the Red Line Tracks In Chicago, IL and thought to myself, 'I have no real meaning or purpose here, why can't I just jump and end it all'.  Other thoughts that were on my mind during those times were thoughts of thinking that there was no tomorrow, the no tomorrow thoughts for me have been prevalent since I was in High School, but I have grown to accept them.  I gave up on HIV, I gave up on my family, I gave up on love, I gave up on the community, and more importantly I gave up on my own life in the past.   The moment I chose to live was the moment I hopped on that MegaBus in November, that was the moment I decided I NEEDED to do everything for myself.  In a short period of two months I have gained 15lbs, I met a man that accepts me for my past and looks towards a future with me, I have allowed my family closer to me now more than ever before and I am just so proud to be me.  This is the reasons mostly for deleting the Boy Rob Community/Public Figure page, I did it because I felt like no one really loved me in the past.  I know it was all stupid thinking.  I know that I am loved and cared about/for.  I know I never update this blog, but I may start trying to do a weekly update mostly because I am putting my thoughts out there for me as well as you to read them, Blogging or Journaling is therapy especially for those of us that may have problems letting our feelings out really.  I know it has helped me.  Thank you for reading this and I really hope that you all understand exactly why I am doing this.

Update on Me.....

Well...... I know most of the people that read my blog have probably been wondering how I am doing.....well truthfully I have been going nuts.  But me going nuts is the beginning to get everything turned around and back on the right path.  I have lost another 20lbs from stress, being sick, and just not being able to eat at all.  I am down to 180, last time I was this weight I was a freshman in High School.  Now anymore weight I lose I will do it all the safe and healthy way.  I have spent most of my time with my Daddy Brandyn and our newest addition to our family Tank, a 9 month old black lab, they have been helping with a lot of my breakdowns lately, since my last breakdown the day before we got Tank, I have had none.  I have not had any of my breakdowns that make me angry then cry.  Which it's a good thing!  I am actively looking for better employment, which right now I am fine with the job I have.  I am fine with everything that is happening all around me, granted things could be better and I could stress less, but right now it is all working out the way that it has to.  No one knows the path or journey until it happens.  You never know what tomorrow will bring, so just imagine that there is no tomorrow.  That's what I have been doing, live life to the fullest.  Treat everyday as its your last because you may never know what will happen within that one day.  I do regret some of the things in my past, but hey look at me now, I am standing higher and brighter than anyone ever thought I would.
Thank you Brandyn for putting up with my breakdwosn and thank you for helping me through all my issues, it's been a tough start to our relationship, but now all we have to do it look up and it will all turn fine I promise to not let you down, I promise I will try to open up more, just know I have never opened up for anyone ever before.  I love you Daddy!  Thank you!!

Izzy

Izzy and Myself

So...this is a blog posting about one individual in the last day that has actually made me so proud to do Team Friendly Northeast Ohio things as well as ANYTHING dealing with Mr Friendly.  Izzy is a 15 year old, who acts more mature than her age.  According to her mom she knows five instruments and now is seeking to learn how to conduct.  I had the privilege of meeting Izzy and her mom on Wednesday, May 8, 2013 when I made my Team Friendly Northeast Ohio presentation at the Blazing River Freedoms Band rehearsal.  After the presentation Izzy and her mom came and talked with me for a few minutes and well Izzy is very excited and has agreed to pass out Mr Friendly/Team Friendly Northeast Ohio material to people in her school.  Izzy, you are the youngest supporter of Team Friendly Northeast Ohio and I am VERY proud to have both you and your mom on this team.  I am essentially just writing this so people can see that it does NOT matter how old you are, or how young that we are all in the fight together to stop the stigma of HIV.
A simple 15 year old, well she is not that simple if she wants to play five instruments and learn how to conduct, but she is more than willing to spread the word to her classmates in high school.  I am 24 and I am willing to spread the word of Mr Friendly and fighting the stigma of HIV.  This is a ongoing battle and no matter what we need your help!  HIV is a ongoing problem so lets just so what we can do to prevent everyone from being let down.

The little boy waving to me as I walk 2.4 miles home just made this one of my best days yet. Amazing how the negative things lately are the ones that I have created. Since CLAW all I have really had are positive experience, two breakdowns but only on things I can't control. VERY proud of what I am doing for myself as well as others. Starting to get happy with the place we have moved to. A few small things here and there but do happy with the obstacles I am overcoming with Brandyn. Even more proud of the obstacles I am overcoming on my own.

The journey to discovering who Robert is will be a never ending journey. So far I have realized that the boy I claim to be is really me. I know I still have deeper work to do on this, but I am the independent boy with the boyish, mischievous smirk on the verge of causing some type of trouble. Well not really trouble but you know what I mean. This little blog initially began as a Facebook update bit as I walk and think back on the little boy that waved at me and made me smile, just the fact that we were all once that small. We were all once that innocent, but we have all grown from that. Some still wish they could turn back time and change something in there past but I see nothing in my past that I really want to change. I was raped for a reason, I became positive for a reason, I started using drugs for a reason. Everything happened for a reason and those reasons may not be completely clear right now but the reasons will present themselves when the moment is right.

I am very glad I met Brandynn, he has helped me through issues and don't think I could ask for a eternal non judgmental person in my life. Thank you Brandynn and sorry that I have the breakdowns.

So this is my one random walk he blog, I have a feeling there may before of these. If has taken me 30 minutes to walk 2 miles. Not in a hurry, other than Brandynn had dinner ready for me. But it was a nice relaxing walk, got me to think about a lot of things! I want to encourage everyone to just keep watching me. I have so many things happening soon with Team Friendly, my sister Phystina is performing next month, I will be at IML, also I am letting boy robert out to go and Roast Veranda at Cocktails on June 1, 2013.

Thank you to everyone that had been here helping me one step at a time!

Robert


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