Deletion....

So.....I have done it....I have deleted my Boy Rob page on Facebook.  My page about me being a boy and how I have been growing myself for the community and everyone has backed me in the past. I created the Boy Rob page as my way to become a better community member and title holder.  I also did it for other reasons, but you know that life is not judged on how many people 'like' you.  Life is judged by what you do for yourself and those that love you.  At least that is how I see it.  I did everything in the past for Everyone else and I am now doing something great for myself.


What many of you may not know is that in September and October there were times that I was standing by the Red Line Tracks In Chicago, IL and thought to myself, 'I have no real meaning or purpose here, why can't I just jump and end it all'.  Other thoughts that were on my mind during those times were thoughts of thinking that there was no tomorrow, the no tomorrow thoughts for me have been prevalent since I was in High School, but I have grown to accept them.  I gave up on HIV, I gave up on my family, I gave up on love, I gave up on the community, and more importantly I gave up on my own life in the past.   The moment I chose to live was the moment I hopped on that MegaBus in November, that was the moment I decided I NEEDED to do everything for myself.  In a short period of two months I have gained 15lbs, I met a man that accepts me for my past and looks towards a future with me, I have allowed my family closer to me now more than ever before and I am just so proud to be me.  This is the reasons mostly for deleting the Boy Rob Community/Public Figure page, I did it because I felt like no one really loved me in the past.  I know it was all stupid thinking.  I know that I am loved and cared about/for.  I know I never update this blog, but I may start trying to do a weekly update mostly because I am putting my thoughts out there for me as well as you to read them, Blogging or Journaling is therapy especially for those of us that may have problems letting our feelings out really.  I know it has helped me.  Thank you for reading this and I really hope that you all understand exactly why I am doing this.