Monday, May 1, 2017


Sorry if this seems jumbled and repeating, but I feel like an updated is needed.  Especially after such an amazing CLAW!!

         I believe I am going to take a note off of Survivor from a few weeks ago, and use the word Metamorphosis.... Many of you have seen me from before drugs, to using drugs, to after, and now..... I have evolved tremendously, and in such a positive way.  Last year I was still in a shell, this year, I broke out and was back to who I was when I began the journey!! This past weekend I felt back to my "norm", and was smiling, all happy, and just being me.  I want to thank every single one of you that came up and hugged me, or had something to say about you being scared for me.  I was scared as well, but I didn't know how to help myself at the time. 
         I remind you that I RARELY go to meetings for my addiction, but I deal with it on a daily basis.  There are many days I have urges to use, just to lose a few pounds and to have a good sex time.  But even then, sex is amazing without the influence of drugs, that is one thing I've finally been able to understand.  I don't drink to get drunk, I don't drink all the time either.  Which I am extremely proud of myself for this.  I did not replace drugs with alcohol, I basically replaced drugs with school, work and me. 
       There is much more that can be said right now, but I believe this is a great ending point.  For those of you that didn't know I had a drug problem, you know now.  For those of you that have had my back and sit back not knowing how to help, thank you for just being there.  That support whether you helped or not, was much more needed than anything.  To anyone that knows someone having an issue with addiction, I remind you that all you have to do is express to them that you are there.  If you express you are there, they will know that someone is caring for them even if they don't think anyone cares.  I have been in this spot, I know what it feels like. 

Wednesday, April 13, 2016


For those of you that knew me before I started using drugs and doing all the crazy things that I did, knew that I had some pieces of Leather and things.  I decided when I had lost almost ALL of my weight I was practically the size of a twig I gave it all to a guy in Chicago that I really did not know that well, but he and I became friends.  He took the leather and stored it for me and on occasion he wore it, which is fine, it was being used.  Well I just reached out to him about a month or two ago and asked him if he still had any of it, he said he would have to look.  So we all know that my heart sank in fear that it was missing, or that he had given it away.  Well just about a week or so ago he text me and said he found it and that he would be sending it to me as soon as he could.  I am so happy to have received that news because I haven't had my leather in over three years, so the chance to get it and recondition it and make it shine like the day that is was gifted to me will be amazing!! I believe that my Leather Heart is back and that it is honestly stronger and bolder than ever.

Just a random thought of happiness that I have for myself right now that I thought I would share with my friends and family near and far.....

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Brief Update

       I have decided to do a brief update for those of you that follow this blog that I have.  I know I haven't posted in a minute or two.... But I am thinking of doing weekly updates just so everyone has an idea of what is going on with me.  To start I recently accepted a 'training collar' from my Sir and Alpha.  I don't think I could have been chosen by anyone other than these two, they are amazing and make me feel like a great boy, that I know I am.
Sir Rich, and Pup Gryphn
 putting a training collar on
       So other than that I am still in college and have finally decided what type of job and degree I want to pursue, that would be a Bachelors in Social Work, and after I get my Bachelors, I would want to try and go for my Masters in Social Work, because I ideally want to be a drug counselor or a HIV/AIDS counselor and the best way to do either of those would be to get a Bachelor/Masters in social work.  Which I have no doubt I could do it as long as I can keep my motivation for it.
       I am actively looking for a car of my own, mostly because I really need a car so I can be able to get around and get to where I need to go.  Otherwise I would just use my dads truck all the time, but I would rather not.  I need and want something of my own.  Especially to help me rebuild my credit back up!
      Other than that little bit I have a long list of goals that I want to try and accomplish, so just wish me luck!

Friday, January 15, 2016

Alan Penrod

 Sir Alan and his boy David are in the center of the picture.

I know this is going to probably be one of the saddest updates I think I have had to make ever.  A friend that I didn't know all that well has passed away.  Sir Alan Penrod, of Atlanta, GA has passed away.  I barely knew him, the only time I have spent with him was at BDSM 101 Mummification at The Atlanta Eagle, then again at the Panther L/L Christmas party, then again at the Eagle's Christmas Party.  We were planning for a mummification class of superheroes for Black and Blue, David, Robbie and myself would all be mummified up as the Powerpuff Girls.  The shine in his eye was so excited and he seemed all getty about the idea.  The news that he passed was shocking, but he surely made me smile thinking about the fun we had at the BDSM class and at the dinner.

Robbie, Myself and David
So to try and brighten up the post a friend and I were talking, he said everyday is short and you never know what tomorrow may bring.  That being said, think of 5 people you admire that you'd like to get to know them better or 5 people that you want to share your feelings about them.  Letting people know that they mean something to you, no matter how big or how small of a impact they have made to you is something that will usually brighten there day.  
I will end this blog by saying 2016 is starting to be the rebirth of the boy that everyone once knew.  I am starting back at school on Monday, I should be starting work on Monday or Tuesday.  (Will be working at a Dementia and Alzheimer Clinic located in Roanoke, VA)  I am about 158 days clean of drugs, and just wanting to make myself healthier and happier.  
Also, Sir Alan thank you for being a great man, you will be missed by everyone that you impacted and even more so Nitro and David.  
boy Robert 

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Ellen Page

You can't just share a article just by reading the headline. YOU HAVE to watch the article about Ellen page, she is 26 and she came out to the nation on Feb. 14.  Her speech is something that I believe anyone questioning themselves or there sexuality should watch it, even parents should watch her speech as well. I love the fact that she air quotes 'norms' it comes back to some of the things that I bring up OFTEN. I know I don't fit any one persons stereotype of a 'normal' gay guy. No one fits a 'normal' type of anything. I believe that the word 'normal' should just be eliminated. No one is ever 'normal', every single person is unique. I know I am different than any other 25 year old with HIV, I am different than any other leather boy in the leather community, also know that I am different than any other chef in the culinary industry. Me being different is what has been helping me get through the tough times I have had in the past and its going to keep pushing me further than ever. Ellen Page I thank you. You have had my support, and you will continue to have my support, keep acting and popping out some great movies.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Five Years....

Well today is my 5th year of testing HIV +.  Truthfully I don't know what to say, the last couple of months have been great to me.  Seems everything has been pretty much Uphill for me with a few slight small downhill moments.  But all in all I am happy.  I have attached a picture of myself and my friend Kris Kohl.  Kris was one of the first people there for me to tell me that it was not a pink slip and I would live life to the fullest.  So far I have been!  Thank you Kris, I love you!!  HIV is NOT a death sentence, I have had it for five years, I have known of others with it for much longer!  I know I may sound stupid right now, but truthfully, just getting thoughts out into a blog!


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Scholarship Essay

So......Passion and Creativity, Past and Future, those were the things I wrote about in my essay for the Chopped Inspired Culinary School scholarship.  I had someone point out to me that I have competed for all sorts of leather competitions and that I was so confident in all of them, yeah that is true unsure really why I am so uneasy about this essay.  Over the last month of trying to figure out what to write for this essay it has stressed me out and truthfully made me want to just give up on it. But I am not allowed to give up anymore, giving up was the easy and 'comfortable' way to do things.  I am not ready to give up this go around.....After I receive the notes and critiques from the 'editor's', then I will need to do one last look over and combine all the comments into what I hope to be the final draft of my essay..Once it is submitted all we can do is sit back and wait...The next phase of the competition is a local chopped competition....Which I am hoping I get chosen to do!  I may not be very knowledgeable currently with foods and knife cuts but if you give me a protein and a starch I guarantee you I could probably grab a few extra ingredients and make a amazing dish!!