To start all of this off I am not trying to make this into a pitty party about me or anything of that sorts, I am just going through a lot of personal things and figured I would put it all out here so everyone knows exactly what I am thinking rather than leaving it built up in my head and just stressing me out and upsetting me really.
Ok so people tend to use the word love a lot. Examples are I love you, I love the way you look at me, I love, I love, You love...blah blah blah love. The true meaning of the word love is to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. I have had that feeling with a few people I know and a few people I was close to, some I am still close to. Well I am going to start thinking more and more on the word love, more and more on the people that I want to say it to. I love my friends, I love my family, I love the people that do everything to help me out and be a better me, but in the long run I don't believe I love myself. I loved myself when I was working out, I loved myself when others made me smile real big and I loved when I was told that someone loved me. I may be 23 going on 24 but at this time I have experienced A LOT, and in my head and in my mind I am ready to settle down, I have gone through my whore, pig, slut, party phases already and I am done with it all really.... Oh well I guess I need to just work on me more and more and maybe I will get all this love back, but til then the I love you's may not be coming from my mouth that much/often.
So on a side note from the depressing part of the blog, it is less than a week til my birthday and the Bear It All Teddy Bear Auction. I am getting excited but I think the one thing I am even more excited about is that I am moving on Aug 1 into my apartment. I have already went and spent a little over $100 on things for the apartment to make it all feel like mine! I can't wait to get moved into it! I want everything to just look good and special before my bday, plus Daddy Tom is coming and spending the weekend with me, which means its got to be extra special! I am excited that he is coming, just thinking of spending the weekend with him kind of gets the stuff off my mind that I posted above. Oh well I will think of all the positive things that make me happy and at that point I should be fine.
So instead of going to Provincetown, MA the 7-10 I think I may go to Miami, Fort Lauderdale or Orlando, those would be some fun places to go and just get away from everything, and truthfully thats what I kind of need. I don't care if I go out to any of the tourist traps or if I just go hang out by the beach either is fine with me really! I have a few other places I could go to and just get away, but unsure of where to really go....
Sorry if this seems like a random depressing blog, it just kind of helped me get a lot of stuff off of my mind and just relax a little bit. I hope no one is wanting to bitch at me for this, I am constantly getting bitched at for the negative, depressing and down things that I post, so please none of that.....